Wise Mind, Real Life: My Journey with DBT and Radical Acceptance
I’ve shared before that I often write not just as a therapist, but as someone who’s done the work myself. Eight years ago, during my divorce, I began attending weekly DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) sessions. I came to it looking for tools—but what I found was a practice that reshaped how I understand emotional pain, thought patterns, and the process of healing.
DBT is a therapeutic approach grounded in mindfulness and emotional regulation. It combines principles from cognitive-behavioral therapy with Eastern mindfulness practices and teaches practical skills in four main areas:
Mindfulness
Distress Tolerance
Emotion Regulation
Interpersonal Effectiveness
One of DBT’s foundational concepts is the dialectic—the ability to hold two seemingly opposing truths at the same time. For example: I am in pain, and I am capable of healing. This idea resonated with me in ways I hadn’t expected. I was going through a divorce at the time—one that shook the foundations of my identity and sense of safety. In those early stages, I often found myself swinging between denial and despair, clinging to old hopes that no longer reflected my reality.
DBT taught me how to step back from those extremes and live in a more grounded truth. The concept of wise mind—the space where emotional mind and logical mind meet—gave me language for what I was striving for: a way to navigate grief without being consumed by it, and to make decisions from a place of clarity and self-respect.
One of the most transformative practices for me was asking, “Is this a helpful thought?” If the answer was no, I began to learn how to let it go. I also asked, “Is this a true thought?” And if it wasn’t—if it was rooted in fear, fantasy, or shame—I worked on closing that mental door. These simple questions helped me manage the ruminating, OCD-like thoughts that had ruled my mind for years.
Before DBT, I had often tried to distract myself from pain or fix it quickly. What I hadn’t learned yet was how to accept it. That’s where radical acceptance came in—a core DBT skill that asks us to fully acknowledge reality as it is, without denial or resistance. Radical acceptance isn’t passive; it’s deeply active. It’s what allowed me to finally say, “This is happening. It’s painful. And I will still be okay.”
This was not an overnight shift. There were days when anger and bitterness felt easier than acceptance. But with time and practice, I stopped fighting what was already true and began to show up for myself instead of waiting for someone else to do it. That was the beginning of real healing.
My experience with DBT didn’t just support me personally—it reshaped the way I show up for clients. I now incorporate DBT-informed approaches into my work with individuals who are navigating similar life transitions: divorce, loss, identity shifts, relationship struggles, or persistent anxiety and negative thinking.
What I love most about DBT is that it doesn’t try to “fix” you. It gives you tools to understand yourself, regulate your emotions, and move through pain without getting stuck in it. It meets you where you are—with compassion, clarity, and the belief that you can build a life worth living.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, lost, or unsure how to move forward, know this: healing is not about avoiding pain. It’s about learning how to be with it, and still move forward. DBT gave me that gift. I’d love to help you discover it too.
